I was sitting down with a blank paper, trying to brainstorm my perfect workspace and life.
And I found it hard. These days, I have felt the enthusiasm seep out of me, because I’ve been interacting with people who don’t value what is handmade, and feeling lonely because I want different things for my life and there’s no kindred spirit to share what it’s like trying to figure out how to generate some side income from my work.
Then I was reminded of my childhood, and a favourite diary from my childhood days where I would draw and write my big dreams as if I were in a magical world.
I was in a world where the 2 characters in my clock came to life at night…
I also was crazy (in a good way) to write letters to fairies and call for letter submissions in the magazine I wrote for an imaginary audience and sometimes a younger sister.
Actually, I was surprised to see that I wrote the artist dream down because although I’ve always liked crafting, I didn’t remember dreaming so big that I was a famous artist! It’s funny as well because my english was so bad that I couldn’t think of an adjective to put before ‘artist’. Since ‘artish’ didn’t work, I stuck with ‘famous’. And my signature was amusingly pretentious as well–notice how I had to write my name and add the end stroke separately?
As an adult, I’ve been made to think whether ideas are feasible, profitable, which is well and good. I need to do that. But oh, sometimes that can get in the way of big dreaming and once in a while, pulling out the diary of big dreams helps remind me of who I am and what I want.
I was so blessed to have two conversations yesterday with two friends who secretly for one and not so secretly for the other want different things in life too and it’s good to know I am not alone 🙂 But it’s sad to hear how they struggle and sometimes keep their dreams locked up, like I sometimes do because I don’t want to be dismissed as a crazy idealist :X
But what is crazy? I recently chanced upon this quote while researching on Rome…
’walking on water” is an entirely sensible thing to do. It’s staying in the boat, hanging tightly to our own sad little securities, that’s rather mad.’
(George Weigel, in this article)
OK, I need to mention it was said in a Catholic/Christian context. This is research on Rome afterall. But I feel it’s so true for us all! We all have dreams, but for one reason or another, we’re holding it inside us, afraid. Because of that, maybe some of us are not living the lives we are meant to live but what others and society want us to live. The Disney fan in me has got to remind you that Mulan says, you have a duty to your heart.
What dreams do you have? Are you secretly a quite sane but considered crazy idealist too? 🙂